I want to walk on stilts...naked
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
