Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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