I wish I could teleport
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize