I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
