i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
