just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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