He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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