That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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