so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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