Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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