You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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