Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
