please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
