dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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