Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Randomize
