I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
