So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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