Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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