i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
