i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
