don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
