just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
