Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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