If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
