We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize