she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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