Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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