She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
