Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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