Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
