she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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