You're my little dorito
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
