I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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