it was like his penis was on wheels.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
