I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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