i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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