well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
