i already hear my dad disowning me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
