so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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