hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
