mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
