u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
