meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
