if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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