upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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