when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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