He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My balls are so social today.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
