I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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