no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
