Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
