Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
