apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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