She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
