I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dicks are not precious.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
