i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
