I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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