What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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