He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
