If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
