hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
