i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
